


a peek across the peaks

by enuzv



Series: sanctuary [1]
Category: NCT (Band), WAYV
Genre: 99liners, 99z, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Road Trip, Eventual Happy Ending, M/M, emotional tension, guess along as you read, road trip more like emotional trip, the final pairings are in the end notes, the pairings are possible pairings featured
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 17:55:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27860370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enuzv/pseuds/enuzv
Summary: “Aren’t you going to do something about it?”The last time four of them gathered, it was rough. It takes them a trip to Chicago to set things straight and let them fall into their places.
Relationships: Mark Lee/Wong Kun Hang | Hendery, Mark Lee/Wong Kun Hang | Hendery/Wong Yuk Hei | Lucas/Xiao De Jun | Xiao Jun, Mark Lee/Wong Yuk Hei | Lucas, Mark Lee/Xiao De Jun | Xiao Jun, Wong Kun Hang | Hendery/Wong Yuk Hei | Lucas, Wong Kun Hang | Hendery/Xiao De Jun | Xiao Jun, Wong Yuk Hei | Lucas/Xiao De Jun | Xiao Jun
Series: sanctuary [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2084613
Comments: 6
Kudos: 190





	a peek across the peaks

**Author's Note:**

> title taken from MODUS - Joji. formatting inspired by Antologi Rasa - Ika Natassa.
> 
> the pairings in the tags are the possible pairings in the story. guess along as you read. enjoy!
> 
> (i put the featured pairing in the end notes, feel free to see it first before jumping to the story)

**Mark**

“Take a day off tomorrow.”

“Excuse me?” Mark passes the report in his hands to one of his coworkers and points at his phone when the whole room sends a questioning stare at him. _Important_ , he mouths, lying through his teeth, and his departement head ushers him out of the meeting room with a flick of her hand and a stern gaze.

“I said,” Hendery repeats, “take a day off tomorrow. We’re going to Chicago.”

The door closes behind him with a soft thump. The clock hits midnight and Mark frowns. “What?”

“I know a doctor if you need one for your hearing problem.” The man on the other side of the line fires and Mark can almost imagine the grin on his face right now. “Come on, babe. It’s just Chicago. I know you haven’t used your annual leave at all.”

“Don’t babe me.” He fires back, weaker than intended. “Why so sudden?”

“Deep dish pizza. I’ve been craving for it for weeks now.” Hendery shrugs, and just from a slight tilt on his voice Mark instantly knows he’s lying. “We will also stop at Johnny- _hyung_ ’s place. He misses you.”

“Just the two of us?” Mark presses further, trying to piece the puzzle together.

“Hell no, you can’t drive and I don’t trust myself. Lucas agreed to come.” Mark hears some rustling and a faint _hey, do you want to talk to Mark?_ with a fainter _no_ as an answer.

 _Of course he agreed_ , Mark resists the urge to roll his eyes. Ever since the start of their friendship, which took place at a dumpling spot near their university building six years ago, these two are so similar they’re almost inseparable. Hendery can literally invite him to swim across the Pacific Ocean and Lucas will gladly say yes, so this is not shocking at all. He glances at the clock on his far left and decides to ask for more details.

“Will Dejun come, too?” 

A beat of silence. Mark feels he’s hitting the jackpot when Hendery’s cheerful voice drops a few degrees. “No one asked him yet. If you want to, go ahead.”

Mark hesitates. The last time four of them gathered, it was rough. He doesn’t even want to remember what happened, but sometimes he still taste Hendery’s bitter retorts when he gulps down his office’s coffee like burnt asphalt down his throat and make out the slumped curve of Dejun’s shoulder every time he sees himself in the mirror. That was three months ago, and the night ended with Dejun slamming the door shut to leave his apartment but proceeded to call him for brunch the next day.

Mark thought it was just a momentary burst of emotion, but apparently the brunch appointment told him that it was not.

“Well, the more the merrier, right?” He puts on the widest smile he has. “I’ll ask him.”

“Sure. Just pack for two days and we’ll pick you up.”

The line goes silent the next moment, and even though Mark really wants to do an in-depth analysis on the words used in the last sentence, he opts to keep his mouth shut and hums in agreement. To be completely fair, he really wants to do an in-depth analysis on the whole phone call, but he can almost feel the curious eyes from the dim meeting room and he knows his time is up.

Putting the phone back in his pocket, now it’s just a matter of convincing Irene Bae and getting around her psychic mind.

  
  


“Good morning, sunshine.” Hendery greets him with a grin, holding an iced Americano in his right and Mark looks away from the bright red hoodie hanging on his left. He’s barely awake and the blazing shade of red hurts his eyes, so he focuses his sight on Lucas who is leaning on his car door, crossing his arms with a detached look in his eyes.

Mark shoves him away when Hendery tries to give him a hug. Hendery is the only person he knows who will drink an iced Americano in the dead of winter (like a monster he is), the cold coffee burns against his back as the droplets soak right through the fabric of his shirt. He lifts his hands up to rub the sleep off of his eyes. “Come in. Dejun isn’t here yet.”

“We’ll go to his place.” Hendery sounds uncharacteristically light-hearted, his tone far more nicer than what he usually uses when they talk about Dejun for the past three months and Mark takes it as a warning sign. Maybe he should’ve said something about this, maybe he should’ve directly asked yesterday, but he pushes his thoughts aside and nods, turning on his heel to grab his backpack in the living room.

He should feel relieved about this, shouldn’t he?

As he opens the trunk to stuff his backpack inside, he sees Hendery scrolling through his phone in the shotgun, pink hair leaning onto the bright red jacket hanging on the front seat. Mark takes the clash of colors as another warning sign.

The hoodie belonged to their university’s football team, and Hendery absolutely knows nothing about football. 

  
  
  


**Dejun**

Last night, Dejun was woken up by a call from Mark. This morning, he’s stuffed in the back seat with the same person, clutching his cinnamon bun for dear life as Lucas speeds the car up on the highway.

He doesn’t even remember if he actually agreed to go when Mark called him. But, an hour ago, three of his best friends banged his apartment door and when he let them in, Lucas’ voice that resembled a military drill a little bit too much echoed throughout his living room, telling him to shower and pack some clothes. Half-asleep and still calibrating, Dejun was shoved into his own bathroom by Mark, but even in the midst of everything, he still had it in himself to not stare at the figure in the corner of the room, silently observing the yelling match unfolding in front of his eyes.

Now, he makes it a mission. He pointedly fixes his eyes at everything in the car, reading every sign in the side of the streets they passed, even focusing his eyes on the speckles of the cinnamon sugar filling as long as he doesn’t have to see the person in the front seat. The person who, as he chews on the food, is currently pressing the next button on his phone screen with an increasing amount of annoyance and a slight scowl on his face, which reminds him of a very unpleasant memory.

He should thank Mark with all of his heart and a lunch because the cinnamon bun really does help in distracting him. His initial plan was going back to sleep until they reach Chicago, but Mark is way faster at force-feeding him with the sweet pastry and placing a warm cup of green tea in his hand, leaving him with no options but to accept or spat it out. In the end, Dejun always loses to green teas and Mark’s expectant eyes. He can’t deny that he also feels thankful for this, though, so he insists on sharing the bun and a promise to treat him next time. 

“Why is your playlist so sappy?” Hendery suddenly mumbles, and even though the question is directed to Lucas only, Dejun can’t help but almost choke. He, honest to God, thought the whole trip would be filled with silence. Not entirely unexpected, Mark follows suit and instinctively grabs the nearest drink available, which is the lukewarm tea in his hands, finishing it in one big gulp. 

Lucas only grins and doesn’t answer, but Dejun can probably answer that on his behalf.

Six months ago, on one of the nights they were on the craze of learning how to box, Dejun noticed something was off with his best friend, but he didn’t say anything about the visible distraught and told himself to wait until they were alone to talk about it. Besides, he also thought he should let Lucas vent out whatever it was that bothered him. When he refused Dejun’s offer to get dinner at his favorite place, though, he knew it was serious, because in their six years of friendship, Lucas never rejected dinner before, especially at his favorite place. 

“It didn’t work out.” Lucas said it to him first as he drove their way home. Dejun didn’t even get the chance to ask.

“What didn’t work out?”

“Mark and I,” he cleared his throat, “we broke up.”

“Oh.” Dejun shifted uncomfortably in his seat, seeing the grip Lucas had on the steering wheel and wondered to himself why Lucas seemed to be twice as bothered as he was from the initial ease of his tone. “I’m sorry.”

Lucas cracked a laugh, half-hearted. “Why are you apologizing?”

Dejun didn’t know what to say, so he kept his silence. He remembers Lucas added something that served as reassurance for him back then. “We ended things pretty well, I think. Don’t worry, it won’t change anything between the four of us.”

Both of them kept their promise, because nothing changed. Their friendship was still going strong despite the fact that their life didn’t align as smoothly as it did when they first met, even though Dejun can sometimes catch the longing in Lucas’ eyes when no one is looking, not even when he knew Lucas was yearning to have Mark back like he did before. He turned a blind eye and said nothing about it.

He had his own problem to take care of.

“You’ll find someone else, soon.” Dejun said, hoping it would cheer his best friend up. That night, Lucas nodded in agreement and didn’t talk about it anymore.

Dejun doesn’t quite catch the conversation that took place in front of him, but when Hendery laughs, Dejun realizes he no longer remembers the last time he heard him laugh, but it must have been a long time ago. Maybe when Dejun was still allowed a space in his life. Maybe before everything between them went downhill. Or, he might have just imagined everything. He’s not sure anymore. 

Hendery finally decides on a song and he turns around to take the hoodie slung on his seat, eyes meeting with him for a third of a second before he darts his eyes away, slipping into the warm fabric. Dejun hears him saying something to Lucas in a hushed tone before he curls his body to sleep, and as he turns his back to the side and allows Dejun a better view of the printed design, he feels his stomach drop.

Not because of the apathetic gaze Hendery gave him, not even from the memory of a warmer eyes and brighter smile he’s still clinging to, but he remembers that same hoodie very clearly from six months ago, and doesn’t expect the _soon_ to be today.

  
  
  


**Hendery**

Hendery feels the car slowing down and forces himself to open his eyes, blinking slowly to see the signs on the side of the street better. _Welcome to Chicago_ , it reads, and he picks his phone out to text Johnny. Looking back, meeting Johnny in college was a blessing, indeed, given the free alcohol he provided every weekend and his insanely good advice as Hendery was going through his degree. A savior, he must say, as he scrolls down to see a list of addresses he provided for their small city tour today.

He told them earlier that their first stop will be at a hot dog place. Everyone has a doubtful look in their eyes at first, but Hendery pretends like he didn’t see it and sings along to the song played in the car through their entire drive. Mark and Dejun joined him to bolt out some sad songs they know as Lucas navigates around the city and if he’s allowed to be honest with himself, he misses this so much.

Meeting Johnny was a blessing, yes, but he always feels more grateful meeting his three friends. Being alone in a foreign country, Hendery is still amazed by the sense of belonging that comes easily between them ever since Dejun, who was eating with Mark, splashed his dipping sauce on Lucas’ shirt when he was doing his night shift at a small dumpling place near his dorm six years ago. They are a family to him and everything went smoothly, until Lucas and Mark started dating.

The news was not a surprise. But, there was a catch. He knew there would be changes, no doubt. Lucas and Mark obviously needed their personal space. What he didn’t understand was how much he missed the nights where he took night walks around the city with Mark and the food adventures he had with Lucas, how much he missed the karaoke sessions they had, all four of them, screaming on top of their lungs to some old pop songs, drinking their problems away. 

In many ways, he felt left out. Dejun, however, was a different story.

He was always… there. Available at all times. Even though he wasn’t as loud as Lucas or as funny as Mark, he was exactly what Hendery needed. _A convenience_. Hendery remembers he would spend his time at Dejun’s place a lot or invite him out to try some new spots in the city, slowly drifting away from the couple, all to distract himself from his own thoughts.

“Don’t you want to ask Lucas and Mark to come, too?” Dejun had asked, once, when they went out to try a new tea shop a little bit far from their university.

“Why bother? They wouldn’t come anyway,” Hendery had answered with a wink that time, pushing Dejun’s matcha latte to his side, “just let them date in peace.”

Well, they did. A little bit too much, it seemed. They were getting too comfortable with their new situation, so they would spend a lot of time together, just the two of them until Mark suddenly came up to him one day to point it out and asked if he and Lucas could join their next movie night. He couldn’t quite pick up why Mark was so disturbed by this new dynamic compared to Lucas, but he agreed eventually. Even though he would still drag Dejun around and spend his weekends with him, he didn’t object to Mark's request.

One day, after they just finished their lunch, Dejun told him that Lucas and Mark had broken up.

At the moment, he didn’t know how to react properly. But, one thing he knew was between the two of them, Hendery was better at cheering up Lucas and Dejun was better at cheering up Mark, so they agreed to visit their best friends to check up on them. Hendery came into Lucas’ apartment with two boxes of pizza and a bottle of wine, because he was sure that Lucas, the one who was more emotionally invested in the relationship, needed to just black out and forget about everything for a moment.

His one-time-blacking-out rule worked. Yes, he was still very much in love, but he was able to look Mark in the eye and sit across from him when they were catching up at a dinner a few days later. Hendery saw it as a progress, nevertheless. He realized that Mark was doing so much better, far better than he should be, but he kept his opinion to himself and concluded that Dejun might do a better job than him at this, but deep down he knew it wasn't the case. 

As he watched Lucas slowly getting better, he was reminded of how fun it was to spend time with him. The last time they went out together was before Lucas and Mark started to date, so it was normal that Hendery almost forgot how it felt. But, surely, there was a reason why Hendery always picked Lucas out of all three of his friends to go with him to try out some new places or to just ride around the city: Lucas is always up for challenges. No matter how ridiculous Hendery’s ideas were, he was always down. 

Soon, his world was full of Lucas, and Hendery would be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy it. Lucas was always more daring, a burning flame against his own. Dejun was convenient, but Lucas is an excitement and he always likes to play around better, anyway. He gradually drifted away from Dejun, cancelling on their plans and giving him ridiculous excuses to get away from it, and that might be the reason why Dejun came into his place three months after their last lunch together to ask him a question.

“What are we?”

Hendery raised his eyebrows at him, confused, but he was sure of his answer. “We’re friends.”

That was the end of it. Of everything. All he felt towards their ending was relief. Not even a slightest bit of remorse was present, not that Hendery ever said this to anyone before, but it felt like a weight lifted off. He still misses their late night dinners from time to time, their movie marathons and sleepovers, but Hendery is sane enough to know that he doesn’t miss Dejun, he just misses their memories and the convenience he lost.

When Lucas glances at him to ask about the hot dog place with a smile, Hendery ponders if he will feel the same relief when their ending finally comes.

  
  
  


**Lucas**

When Hendery asked him to drive him to Chicago, the only logical answer to him was _yes_.

Whatever. He doesn’t pride himself in self-control, so after the question was posed, he got out of his bed to call his boss and walked to the nearest convenience store to purchase a can of cold brew coffee to drink in the morning before the drive. Hendery said he wants to go on an adventure, and how can he say no to him? Trying out a list of excellent food spots curated by Hendery Wong himself is not something to be missed, and here he is, stuffed and happy even though his calf is aching from the constant strain of driving around the city.

After their last spot, which serves the best fried chicken he has ever tasted in his whole life, Hendery asked him to detour to get some buttermilk doughnuts for Johnny who offered them a place to stay for the night. They ended up bringing a total of six dozen doughnuts, the two dozen belonging to Dejun because Mark insisted that they both deserve it after sitting in the back seat all day. Hendery didn’t comment on that, even joked a little bit about it, and that’s where it hit him that Hendery has his own purpose on this trip.

He’s always unpredictable like that. Once, he suddenly blurted out a string of Japanese words in the middle of finishing his paper and it was revealed to them that he’s a decent Japanese speaker, courtesy of countless sleepovers with Nakamoto Yuta that served as a teacher for him. There were nights where Lucas had to pick him up from wild college parties hosted by people that Hendery should have had no access to befriend, nights where Lucas found a lot of crumpled paper in his pocket with some numbers written on it, or mornings where he had to buy Hendery strips of Aspirin to calm his raging headache from the hangover.

And the night after he broke up with Mark, Hendery came with two boxes of pizza and a bottle of his favorite wine. He left in the morning with a brush of lips against his temple and a promise for tomorrow.

Tomorrow happened. And the next day, then the next day, then everything becomes him. 

Years of knowing him, Lucas understands that Hendery is just messing around with his head. For whatever reason he will never be able to fathom, Hendery likes playing with minds and breaking hearts in the process. He knows it better than everyone else. But, he also knows himself enough to understand that he will never be able to turn away from those warm eyes and the sharp edge of his remarks, so he plays along.

This, what they have between them, is not a battle he can win.

From the corner of his eyes, he can see Mark in the kitchen counter cracking open a can of soda, waving his hand to Johnny who told them earlier that he would leave for a quick grocery run, and against everything in himself, he stands up and walks over to him.

“Where’s Dejun and Hendery?” He asks, trying to modulate his voice to not scare Mark away.

Mark glances upwards at him and drinks his soda before placing it on the counter, crossing his arm. “Upstairs.”

 _So, that’s it_. Lucas nods and reaches out for one of the glazed doughnuts in a box nearest to him. Mark looks more nervous than he is, more restless, and even though they are no longer as close as they were before their relationship, Lucas gets it. He knew it since the first day four of them met in the dumpling spot six years ago, because everything was as blatant as the fact that Lucas would fall in love with Mark like it was the easiest thing in the world, but he was younger and more carefree and bad decisions were his middle name.

And his first bad decision was to ignore everything. Everything. He didn’t really think about the uneasiness in Mark’s face when they told their friends that they were dating or the anxiousness he tried to hide every time Hendery and Dejun went missing into their own world, but he realized that he should, right when Mark asked Hendery if they could come to his weekly sleepover in Dejun’s place. To this day, he still hasn’t figured out why Mark agreed to _try_ , when in reality, it was impossible to change his mind about him, about _them_. 

Well, the answer is easy. Lucas loved him. For Mark, he was his next best choice.

They broke up with an agreement to not let everything that happened between them ruin their friendship. Lucas can’t exactly say that he’s keeping his end of the bargain the whole time, but he can confidently say that he’s okay now. They are okay. Mark will always have a special chapter in his life, but the chapter has ended now, no matter how painful it was to watch him walk away with a knowledge that he would never return again.

He swallows his last piece of doughnut and clears his throat to close their final page. “You should talk to him, you know.”

Mark looks at him for a split second before he flinches away, eyes wide and full of fear. Lucas holds his gaze. He recalls every little thing he noticed throughout their relationship, every single thing he turned a blind eye on, every karaoke night the four of them had had and missed, and he can’t help but feel like he should have done this months ago instead of denying the truth in front of him. 

He sees the fear melts away, and the pair of brown eyes he once loved turns into something more hopeful.

“So should you.”

  
  
  


**Dejun**

“Let’s talk.” Hendery had said, careful and distant, and it took Dejun approximately a minute before he could stand up and follow him upstairs, crossing his path with Johnny who gave him an encouraging smile as he headed out. He knows that someday they have to do this, to just talk and smooth everything out, but he isn’t prepared for the quiet determination Hendery has in his eyes, or maybe he’s just not prepared for _Hendery_. He can deal with the cold shoulder Hendery gives him all the time, but not this, never this.

They sit on Johnny’s balcony side by side, overlooking the twinkling lights of the city in silence. However pathetic it sounds, this reminds Dejun of their better time where they would sit on the comfort of his dorm’s sofa to finish whatever work they had that day, accompanied by the buzzing sound of the traffic from the city. But, as he reflects back, he absolutely had no idea which part of Hendery was the truth and which part of him was just an idea in his mind, so in that sense, perhaps it wasn’t their better time.

He waits. Dejun waits for Hendery to say something, because between the two of them, Hendery is always more sure about everything than him, and maybe that’s where everything went wrong. He waits for Hendery to say anything, because he doesn’t trust himself to speak up about this anymore after their last encounter three months ago, and maybe there’s a part of him that still doesn’t want to let go, no matter how foolish it is of him.

He doesn’t need to wait for long. Hendery leans forward, resting his hands on his knees, keeping his eyes on the view and takes a sharp breath before starting. “I’m sorry.”

 _For what?_ is hanging on the tip of his tongue, but he holds it back. Before everything, they were best friends and Dejun understands that it must’ve taken a lot from him to admit that he’s wrong, let alone apologizing. Besides, he knows he also had a part in their fallout. Hendery was bright, so bright, and he was blinded. 

He nods. “I’m sorry, too. Shouldn’t have brought our problem up in front of Mark and Lucas.”

“Even if things were different, we couldn’t be different.” Hendery speaks, his voice level. He turns his head to look at Dejun with a straight face and places a hand on his shoulder. “I do not love you.”

Dejun keeps his eyes steady as he turns to look back at him. He looks for signs, something he should have been better at before, and this time Dejun knows Hendery is honest. That’s all he needs. For Hendery to be honest with him, for him to not misread things, and for them to finally come clean.

This, he thinks, might be the start of their better time. 

Dejun braces himself to ask for what he wants to know the most for the last three months, his fingers catching the loose strings on the side of the oversized red hoodie that obviously does not belong to Hendery. “Are you happy?”

Hendery nods and pulls his hand away to straighten up. “I am.”

Dejun smiles at that. Not much, but Hendery smiles back at him, for the first time in what seemed like forever.

They talk more easily, this time, catching up on some stuff they missed for the past months. Hendery asks him about his family back in Guangzhou and he asks him back about his latest trip to Singapore. Dejun still doesn’t have the courage to ask about anything deeper than that, so he decides it’s best to keep their conversation on the lighter side and wait for another time to ask him about some of the observations Dejun made today about him.

He likes this version of them better. More loose and blunt and Dejun definitely wants to keep this in his life. Although it takes an impromptu trip to Chicago and two days of his sick leave for them to patch things up, he’s willing to work for it regardless of whatever happened before. 

Sooner than he expected, Hendery turns in for the night after they see Johnny’s car parked on the sidewalk, and he says goodnight before leaving him on the balcony. Dejun feels all the tension easing out of his body as he lets their conversation sink in. He leans fully on his chair and dozes off for a moment, and when he opens his eyes, he sees Mark standing in front of him, full of worry and curiosity.

They stare at each other. Dejun can easily pick up the anxious edge of his face. Before he can say anything, though, Mark sits down and hands a steaming mug full of green tea to him and keeps the silence between them. He mumbles a quick thank you before sipping it, the tea perfectly brewed just like how he likes to drink his, one of Mark’s hidden talents that he’s grateful for.

With Mark, everything is always easier, and he revels in the comfortable silence. Since their first day of college when they first met, they have an unspoken understanding for each other and he cherishes it. After their disastrous dinner three months ago, Mark visits him often and offers him a late night company-slash-jamming-session and a shoulder to rely on. Dejun thinks of it as a payback for the times they spent together after Mark’s break up, so he guesses they’re even, now.

He hears Mark’s soft yawn and it reminds him of the time. He finishes his tea and smiles at the sight. “You should go to sleep.”

“Well, you’re driving tomorrow, so I’m gonna say the same thing.” Mark stands up and holds out his hand, sleepiness clouding his eyes. “Come on.”

Dejun takes it and feels that it’s his luck that Mark is always here.

  
  
  


**Hendery**

Hendery walks over to the kitchen, following the smell of the coffee Johnny is currently brewing this morning with a dazed look plastered on his face. He needs to get a cup of coffee to freshen up and Johnny greets him with a smile as he leans his back at the fridge, staring at the sunrise peeking from Johnny’s window.

“You can stay longer if you want to,” Johnny speaks up.

Hendery shrugs and shakes his head. “I want to, but my professor will hunt me down if I take another day off.”

A short laughter erupts from Johnny before Hendery quietly adds, “I talked things out with him last night.”

Johnny hums in delight. On one of their late night calls weeks ago, Johnny had told him to do the right thing, and even if it took him a lot of time to reconsider and some moments of existential crisis, he finally gathered enough courage to make it happen. 

“I didn’t do anything wrong,” Hendery had said, “he shouldn’t expect too much of me.”

And Johnny had sounded so stern it almost scared him. “When someone tells you that you hurt them, you don’t get to decide that you didn’t.”

That was the wake up call for him. Asking Lucas was easy, and even though Mark was a little bit harder to convince, Hendery discovered his weak spot long ago and decided to finally use it against him that night. Dejun can hardly refuse Mark, so he knew his plan was working right when Mark agreed to go. He had his moments of doubt, of course, but Johnny would never stop pestering him if he didn’t act on it, so he decided to swallow his pride and finally addressed their problem last night and put a better ending on everything.

Johnny walks over, fixes the collar of the red hoodie he’s wearing and gives him a concerned look. “You need to do something about this, too, you know?”

Hendery looks at him warily, feeling like an open book as he asks. “Is it that obvious?”

The coffee machine pings and Johnny turns it off. “You’re a little bit confusing sometimes, but I think I know you better than most people.” He pours Hendery two cups and points at the living room with his chin. “And from what I know, you just need someone to be direct with. Dejun isn’t one.”

Hendery takes the cups and whispers, “thank you so much, _hyung_.”

“I just want you to be honest with yourself.” Johnny pats his back softly. “I want you to be honest with what you want and what you need. You can lie to me, but you don’t deserve it. He doesn’t deserve it, either.”

Johnny’s words stay with him from the moment he waves goodbye at his front door until he steps into the back seat with Lucas, letting Mark navigate their way back and praying to any deity available for safety because he doesn’t really trust Dejun on driving them home. It sticks with him when he sees the way Mark glances at the driver’s seat and thinks that perhaps Mark needs the advice he got earlier the most out of everyone in this car, and it keeps playing in his mind as Lucas jerks awake after bumping his head against the window, rubbing his head with annoyance and his eyes squinting against the light.

Hendery nudges his ribs with his elbow, “how many hours of sleep did you have last night?”

“Three? I don’t know. Should’ve declined Winwin’s request to play.” He grumbles and fixes his sitting position. “You?”

Hendery has to hold back his smile. “Enough to not get mad at the window for bumping my head against it.”

Lucas scowls and leans forward to flick his forehead, but the scowl on his face turns into a grin that warms Hendery all over. He can't pinpoint if it’s the grin or the hoodie he wears that makes him feel a certain way even though the conclusion will not change because it’s from the same person, but he’s not ready to face the answer yet. He knows that as Dejun was to him, for Lucas, he’s a convenience. Lucas is just playing along to patch himself from the heartbreak and Hendery was there, offering him a mutual dependence. A lie they told themselves that maybe Hendery could fill the void Mark has left, and perhaps Lucas could be the exhilaration in life he’s looking for.

Knowing Lucas is an adventure, but every adventure would have to have an ending at some point. Dejun is a lesson and he doesn’t want to make the same mistake twice. The catch, though, is that things are vastly different in many ways that makes it hard for him to decide how to finish it up nicely, and even harder to decide if he should just come clean to Lucas at some point and watch everything fall apart like he did before.

Lucas rapidly tugs at the right sleeve of the hoodie several times. “You’re thinking out loud.” He says, tone neutral.

“You need to go back to sleep.” His answer is not good enough, but that’ll do. 

Lucas scoots closer and rests his head on Hendery’s shoulder before slipping his hand in the spaces of Hendery’s finger and closes his eyes. “Yeah, I think I do.”

Hendery wonders why this doesn’t feel like a lie anymore.

  
  
  


**Lucas**

Lucas wakes up with his face pressed against warm shoulder and strands of pink hair, two pairs of eyes looking at him from the front seats, and the absence of music playing from the speaker. He abruptly straightens up, almost bumping his head on the ceiling to look around and realizes that the car has stopped in front of Dejun’s building.

For him, the drive back home always feels faster than the departure. Might be because he was behind the steering wheel yesterday, or maybe it’s just the effect of not willing to let go of the experiences yet, particularly the feeling of peace and the comforting scent of the sleeping figure beside him. He’s leaning towards the latter, for now, as Dejun turns to him with a slight lift in the corner of his lips.

“Here we are.” Dejun says, looking back and forth at him and Hendery who’s still fast asleep. “We should do this again, someday. It’s pretty nice.”

“I agree. Let’s do Vancouver next.” Mark fumbles with his backpack before zipping it shut. “I’m heading out, now.”

Lucas catches Mark’s eyes and sees the same determination he saw last night and remembers their brief talk yesterday. The way that he sees it, and now he’s 100% sure that he’s not just seeing things he wishes to see, everything has started to fall into their own places and Mark is no exception to that. It’s just a matter of time, and he has enough knowledge about Mark to know that this is now the time.

He thinks it’s also a sign for him.

“Vancouver?” Hendery quips with a raspy voice, blinking rapidly at the three of them, trying to rise himself up from the sleep. Lucas doesn’t remember that he’s still holding his hand until Hendery briskly pulls away to rub his face and tries to recall at what point he starts to feel empty every time he loses his touch or when did he start feeling this way.

“That’s for me to worry about and for you to find out.” Mark grins before stepping off and Dejun throws his car key back at him. Lucas notices the knowing looks that the both of them exchanged before closing the door but the next thing he knows, both of them has already crossed the street to get inside the building and he’s left alone with Hendery, who’s currently getting up and taking his hoodie off, leaving a thick sweatshirt underneath.

“I’ll wash it off first,” Hendery says while folding the fabric, “and then give it to Kun- _ge_ next time I see him around. You’re still working with him, right?”

Lucas is most definitely not proud of how fast he turns his head to look at the man beside him, but he also knows that he has bigger problems, one of them being the immense disappointment he can’t ignore from the question Hendery gives him. “Why would you give it to Kun- _ge_? We literally see each other almost everyday now.”

Hendery doesn’t say anything to that, but he laughs and gets out of the car to move to the front seat, the jacket stuffed into his duffle bag. Lucas follows him and starts driving, the only noise between them is the radio he turned on earlier while Hendery looks out the window. Lucas noticed earlier that he is thinking about something. He tried to bring it up but was instantly shut down, so now he settles on changing his tactics.

“Let’s get something to eat,” Lucas suggests when they stop at an intersection, glancing to his right.

Hendery nods at the request with eyes still fixated on the sidewalk. “Sure.”

He doesn’t feel at ease with his answer at all. Lucas has grown accustomed to the tumultuous nature of Hendery, but in the process, he also learned to hate his silence with every fiber of his being. He tries to ask him some more questions several times but Hendery is very adamant on averting his eyes, keeping his answer as short as possible.

Lucas has never seen this side of him. Except for one occasion three months ago.

 _This can’t be good_ , he takes a deep breath. _Whatever happened last night can’t be good_.

Lucas takes the right turn and stops in front of one of their favorite places and the way Hendery instantly lights up is truly gratifying for him. His mood is getting better, Lucas assumes, as he greets the line cook behind the stove and catches up with the cashier who knows them after visiting this place hundreds of times for its fried egg sandwiches, both drunk and sober. The smile Hendery usually has on his face hasn’t come back yet, but at least his blasé self is back and Lucas is thankful for that. 

In retrospect, he’s thankful for everything leading him to this moment. If six years ago he chose to walk away from the dumpling place where Hendery was working part-time and eat at another place, he wouldn’t get to meet him, Dejun, and Mark and befriend them. If not for the days and nights four of them spent together, cruising through ups and downs, he wouldn’t have known what a found family is. 

If Hendery had not shown up at his door to get him drunk and forget everything for a while, it must have taken him forever to deal with whatever Mark had left him after their break up. He was promised tomorrow and Hendery delivered. Not a day passed for Lucas without Hendery in one form or the other, which puzzles him the most since day 1. Lucas had always thought Hendery was just lonely, and what is a better way to be less lonely than to be lonely together, right?

But Hendery is here, not breaking his words after six months, after six years.

This is not a battle he can win, but somehow, Lucas doesn’t mind surrendering.

“Hen,” he calls after they are finally seated at the corner booth, and Hendery hums distractedly as an answer as he focuses on unwrapping the foil.

Lucas plans to tell him everything. He plans to get it off his chest and just let it all out, but when Hendery looks up to him and finally meets his eyes, Lucas feels a sudden coldness in his core and his plan is failing him completely. He scrambles around for things to say while Hendery blankly stares at him, and finally manages to get some words out of his mouth although his brain decided to stop functioning altogether. “Hen, I think I need to be honest. I–”

Hendery holds his gaze and doesn’t look away when he cuts him off firmly, all cautions thrown out the window. “Lucas. I’ve liked you for a while now.”

From the way Hendery says it, the words sound more like a question, more like he’s testing the water than anything else, but the sheer force of it is enough for Lucas to drop his sandwich on the table in shock. His surprise dissolves into laughter, a flush flooding his face, and he smiles widely at the sparkle in Hendery’s eyes as Lucas reaches out to hold his hand. “Took us long enough.”

  
  
  


**Mark**

“I hope I got the right brand. Even though you’re not the one drinking it, most likely,” Johnny nudged a box of loose green tea leaves to him last night, “my reception was bad so your voice sounded a little bit unclear.”

Mark placed down his phone and read the label slowly before getting up. “Thank you, _hyung_.”

He was waiting for the water to boil when Johnny sat on a stool near him, cautious, and asked his only question of the night. “Aren’t you going to do something about it?”

Mark has to admit that the question was normal. Seven years is not a short span of time at all. He could directly trace back the start of all this from how lonely Dejun had looked, sitting alone on their campus’ cafeteria after the orientation program had ended and Mark didn’t have it in him to leave him alone. Perhaps he wasted the last seven years of his life because of how warm Dejun’s voice made him feel when he first heard his soft singing voice in the middle of a 7/11 instant noodle section, two months after their first meeting and how it stopped him from wanting anyone else ever since.

All he know is that Dejun leaves him burning for something more, something out of reach, a thirst unquenched even as he tried to find relief in stranger's touch, in the high of alcohol and the crashing hangover the next day, in his book of lyrics that he written exclusively for him over the past years, in Lucas that fell in love with him and left him with no better options than to try to not imagine how Dejun would have tasted every time Lucas kissed his lips.

And when Mark was busy adjusting, Hendery was there, all brilliant and lovely and Dejun was always weak for men like him. Everything that Mark did not have, everything he had wanted and wished to keep forever, Hendery had it in his grasp, and it took everything in him to not hate his own best friend for it. It took everything in him to not celebrate their fallout three months after he broke up, but the heavy sadness Dejun carried with him ever since felt more painful to him that he sometimes would wish to turn back time if it meant having the radiant smile he loves so much back, even if he never got to be the reason for it.

It’s desperate, but Mark has never known any other way to love Dejun, other than this.

Mark sits on the couch, the fatigue starting to sink in and he wants to fall back to sleep, but not before he can ask something he’s been keeping to himself since last night. “Are you okay?”

Dejun sits across him after hanging their coats on the rack and gives him a confused look.

“About Hendery,” Mark adds, a bit impatient but still guarded, “and Lucas.”

Dejun visibly relaxes from the question when he finally answers. “I thought I was the only one who noticed.”

“Well, Hendery was with Lucas when he called me and he showed up the next day wearing Lucas’ hoodie from our college’s sports team.” Mark replies, mirroring the grin on Dejun’s face. “That’s a personal statement.”

They share a laugh, the atmosphere warming up in every passing second. The room feels lighter, more luminous, and Dejun is smiling in the particular way that never fails to brighten Mark’s day. Something has shifted and that makes him hope that he might get back the Dejun he had fallen in love with seven years ago, even though he knows he will always feel the same way no matter how Dejun has changed over the years they’ve known each other.

“I’m fine. We’re stuck together now, but I’ll get used to it.” Dejun says, clearly joking, but it sends a pang through Mark’s heart.

“Is it such a bad thing? Getting stuck with me?” 

Dejun takes a sharp breath, weighing on the words Mark almost regrets, guilt painted clearly across his face. The only thing he’s guilty for is being oblivious all the time, which directly stems from his fault for keeping his silence. Mark chooses to not console him.

“No, of course not.” Dejun shakes his head, sincere, and it hurts him even more. “We’ve been stuck with each other for so long, I might not know how to live without you.”

That’s it. Dejun always says these things to him and Mark always has to remind himself that he doesn’t mean it, but Mark wants him to mean it. He wants to be honest, wants to break free from this, he wants to be able to be with him without any of the pretense he has been using all these years. Seven years isn’t a short span of time, and Mark has had enough of himself, of them.

There’s no way out in sight, because Mark is always stubborn about what he truly wants and Dejun is one of the very few people he’s willing to beg just to have the taste of his touch. 

This ends now. “Dejun.”

“Yes?”

“I have been in love with you for seven years now.” Mark looks at him straight in the eye, no space left to argue, and feels like he’s deflating as the immense weight lifted off. “I’m sorry.” He adds, because he’s really sorry for everything, for feeling this way, for being scared all the time, for their nights and days together that almost feels like a deception on his part.

“I know you don’t–” Mark almost falters, choking on his own words, but he has to say it all now or he might never get any chance to say anything forever, “–love me. I just want you to know.”

Dejun stills in his seat, wide eyes behind his glasses. 

Mark always imagines it to be romantic, all heart eyes and soft smiles and happy endings. He imagines it all the time. But, right now, when the moment finally comes, they just stare into each other’s eyes like they did when they were still strangers inside that damned cafeteria, when a freshman from Canada awkwardly asked a Chinese transfer student if he could join his table for lunch seven years ago. Nothing particularly heartwarming happens when Mark stands up to sit closer to Dejun, holding his hand like he might break in any given second, but he doesn’t mind.

In contrast, Dejun holds him tight when he murmurs, “I can try. If you’re okay with waiting a little bit more, we can try.”

This is their reality, and Mark will always choose this over anything else. 

There’s still an uncertainty in Dejun’s eyes as he finally smiles at Mark, but the lift in the corners of his mouth is the one that both of them know is reserved for happy times and new beginnings. For Mark, it’s enough.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Johnny- _hyung_ will move back to Seoul.” Hendery says. “Jungwoo- _hyung_ called me.”

“Oh.” Mark leans forward and braces himself against the railing. He looks up at the clear sky of Vancouver as he hums to fill the silence, unsure of how to react. He doesn’t know if he’s allowed to say anything about that.

Hendery doesn’t, either. He shifts his weight and leans on the wooden pillar beside him. “We’ll have a farewell party for him, next week.”

**Author's Note:**

> pairings featured: past hendery/xiaojun, past lucas/mark, hendery/lucas, mark/xiaojun
> 
> did you guess them right? thank you for reading!
> 
> (please continue supporting BIPOC)
> 
> twitter: honeycloudcake


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